Tuesday, October 18, 2005

I’m feeling a tugging. I don’t know if God is speaking to me through this situation or only myself, but I’m using discernment and focusing in on listening quietly if it is Him talking.

Work is slow today. It seems as if it is feast or famine. Either I’m slammed with more than I can handle in a regular work week, or I have nothing specific to do, and have to create projects for myself. I’m not sure which is better, but I think I’d rather have the former. (That’s debatable I guess).

Clint & I have discussed “going” many times. He has been ready & is still ready to go. I need a little more coaxing. Sometimes I feel so funny. It’s not as if I do not have a desire to go – I do, it’s just that I’m a little nervous about being so far away from everyone I know & that knows me & from the language & culture I know & understand. While I was in college I didn’t so much feel like this, but after traveling to Sweden, and going through so much in such a short time – including an accident that could have killed me – with no one around who knew me at all, I grew a little more nervous. I think I’m getting more and more comfortable with the idea, but some days are better than others. I just know that God has given me this compassion for a reason. That I’m intended to share it with people & bring them to a mature understanding of Him. I try to do that here. That’s where the debate comes in with Clint & I. He has ALWAYS felt a calling to overseas missions, whereas I believe I am called to serve no matter where I am. This could be the U.S. He agrees, but ultimately believes he’s called to go overseas.

I am beginning to understand his thinking. It’s the discipline of total obedience; total dependence; faith that God will take care of us & provide for us & protect us through all things. Overseas missions is so dependent on this core philosophy & practice. You go & take nothing with you. You live as your new neighbors live. You learn their customs & language. You love them & lead them to God through a display of this love through relationships built upon trust & understanding.

This may be the worst time to go…Clint & I have stable jobs that we enjoy. We just bought a home. We are young & enjoying our time together, we are plugged into a great church where we are able to actively minister & be ministered to.

This may be the best time to go…We are young, we have no children, we are agile & adaptive, we are open to new experiences, we enjoy new places & new faces. We would love to share God with others & bring them to a full understanding of his overwhelming love & grace.

I’ve been researching options. I’ve looked at the IMB. I’m not sure if the opportunities they offer would fully utilize our gifts. I believe that if we go with them we will be able to contribute a great deal, but would like to explore other options. I looked into the Peace Corps. This would be a unique option. While not inherently a Christian organization, we’d be ambassador’s of a sort…and they allow couples to serve. We’d be able to stay for a few years & live in much the same way career missionaries do.

I’m still praying through this. I’d appreciate your prayers friends. I’m not sure if this is something to consider for the immediate future, but it is something to pray for Clint & I for the general future.


Tuesday, October 11, 2005