Yeah...I'm tired.
Yesterday I had a meltdown as I arrived at the Just Between Friend's Consignment Sale in Norman. We had driven about an hour and both kids were relatively easy-going for the trip. It had taken another hour for me to wrangle my 2 year old into the car, and of course my 5 week old eats every 2 hours. So, we had to feed upon arrival.
I got out my amazingly useful nursing cover, pulled my little one out of her infant carrier, unbuckled my 2 year old from his car seat and instructed him not to push any buttons. He had a dvd player loaded with "Franklin" and "Thomas the Train" (some of his favorites - now all we need is "Little Bear"). Unfortunately, he decided not to watch a show, but to explore my car while I fed his little sister. Ugh - not my choice. The feeding went relatively quickly & smoothly, then a quick diaper change. As I was pulling off her diaper, I heard a small voice say "Uh-oh, I need to go potty".
Oh no! I asked, can you hold it for just one minute, while I put on baby sister's diaper? Yes was the response. Then I heard Oh no! I need to go potty! With a little more emphasis this time. I turned around and my little guy was standing on the middle bump in the back seat floor. I said, "Are you already going?" He said, "Um, yeah." I looked down, and the stream of liquid snaked longer and longer down his leg - over his socks and shoes - and onto my car floor. I screamed, "NO! How could you? The building is right there!!!! I can't believe you! The building is RIGHT THERE!!!" He cried. I win the horrible parent of the day award for yesterday for sure. I freaked out, thinking that after driving about an hour to get somewhere - and believe me getting out of the house at all was a feat of it's own - this had happened, and now I didn't have a change of clothes. Was I going to take my 2 year old inside in his undies in below freezing weather? Or turn around and drive home? I was so angry, and with my sleep deprivation I was a little less inhibited with my emotions than I should have been.
After cleaning everything up, I discovered that I thankfully had another pair of pants in my car, but we had to take off the socks and wear the wet shoes inside. I had to apologize to my guy, and pray that I didn't cause too much damage! ;( I felt horrible. I have been wound pretty tightly lately, and I know I am not being fair to my 2 year old. I am not managing the lack of sleep and 2 babies gracefully.
It ended up being a pretty fruitless trip, and chasing my guy up and down the aisles was NOT fun. I had a major emotional breakdown not too much after we got back into town. How do people do this? My guy is acting up a lot, and is bored out of his mind during the day while I am basically strapped to a chair feeding his little sister. The weather has been dreadfully cold, so we aren't getting out much at all, and our yard is not safe enough to let him loose to explore on his own. We are watching a lot of cartoons, and reading some books, but I have nowhere near the time or ENERGY to give to him like he deserves.
I need to find a MDO program for him soon - to allow him to get out of the house and give us both a break. I am feeling like such a bad parent. Thankfully, my little guy forgives me, and by the evening I was feeling a lot better about yesterday.
I think I just need some sleep & a BIG dose of patience. Mother's of more than one...how do you do it? How do you get anything done? How do you get out of the house in tact? How do you discipline?
I feel like my guy is being a lot more defiant than ever before. He actually tells me no when I send him to time-out and tells me he doesn't want to. He also yells at me, or speaks gruffly. This behavior is not something I'm used to from him.
I love my kiddos so much and want to be an excellent mom - full of love, patience and support. I don't want to react with anger or frustration. Please tell me it gets easier. How do you manage when they both rely on you so much? How do you carve out time for yourself?
What does your schedule look like?
Thanks!!! (Prayers appreciated!)
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9 comments:
1.) You are a wonderful mother, I'm sure of it.
2.) We all have our not-so-good "mommy moments" - whether we have one or five kids.
3.) Jonas will forgive you. You're his momma - of course he will. =)
4.) Dana Morris (from high school) is a great person to talk to - she has 4 kids (the younger two are twins) - she's great and has a fun blog. www.surviving4kids.blogspot.com
Oh no! What a stressful day! Do you want to come over one day next week? It might do us both good to be able to talk about parenting two! Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday work for us. Let me know! You are not a bad mom!!! You are doing your best, and luckily he's young enough he won't remember, but I know you want to be the best mom possible. Hope to see you soon!
Hang in there! I am not a parent yet, so I won't try to give you any advice. Just know that I admire you for trying to get out with two little ones!
sorry you had a tough day :( the beginning is hard, i am certain that going from 1 kid to 2 is more of a challenge then it was to adjust to having 1 child. i have heard that after you get the hang of 2 then you can keep adding with ease (i hope that this is true). i would say for me that it was all about learning to juggle one more ball in the air and getting better about planning and being organized. don't get me wrong i am still forgetful and unorganized, but slightly better than before. know your limits, no one expects you to be superwoman. just hang onto the Lord, your hubbie, and your friends, before you know it things will be better. then they will get crazy again as they always do, such is the life of a mother :)
Thank you all so much. I am feeling a LOT better - even after a couple of days. That night Jonas had already forgotten the incident had happened, but I just felt awful for being so upset about it, that I let something so silly get to me like that. Especially when it really wasn't his fault! At the time it felt like he was doing it intentionally, but I know that's not the case.
It helped to admit where I went wrong & I appreciate all of your support & feedback. Here's to happier days ahead (with a few crazy days sprinkled in just for fun!)
Hey Mandy,
Thanks for stopping by my blog. The rug is from Target. It sheds a lot initially, but it's nice and thick and I love the colors.
Mandy~ I think every mother has felt and acted the way you did this day!
My Gavin was only 2 when his twin sisters were born. He was angry and jealous a lot of the time...thankfully most of his agression was toward me and not his sisters!
Things do get easier. Especially when the baby starts sleeping through the night....and mommy!
The wonderful thing about children is their resilience. You can have a bad day and yell to much...and the next day they will forget...or maybe they just love & forgive us?? Who knows =)
Mandy...you're a fabulous mom and I promise it DOES get easier!!! You just have to keep reminding yourself that this is just for a season. Just like the sleepless nights WILL end (they did with Jonas, right?), the constant feeding will diminish. So will the defiance from the boy (but unfortunately...that's a MUCH longer season!)
And next time, call me and we can go do that sort of insanity together (or Jonas can come play with J.J. while you shop)!
On another note, sorry we had to cancel mom's group! You probably could have used it today more than ever...but fear not! Next week is a go!
(And if you and Gina want to come over Thursday after Bible study, well, that's a-ok with me!)
Thanks for your honesty and helping me mentally and emotionally prepare for what's to come in the next three months. Baby #2 will make his/her debut in June and it's nice to know I won't be the only imperfect mom. I remember how tough it was adjusting to life with our first...I can only imagine how difficult (but also wonderful) it will be to have two. We're all in it together. I know you're an excellent mom...it's obvious you care for your kiddos SO much. They're lucky to have a mommy that loves them like you do. I'll be frequenting your blog often this summer. :)
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